'Look what I'm offering you-- your dreams.
I ask for so little. Just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want.
Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave!'
--Jareth 'Labyrinth'
Now, for my life, I know it's oh-so interesting and whatnot. I think so too(sarcasm). After reading some of Carmen's rants on her page, I realized her and David would get along. She argues like a fucking politician about the earth and how stupid people have become and whatnot. Though I agree with her, I hate that my parasitic legan love shares such views. I'm sorry people, but *yes* it perturbes me. He acts like the sun shines out of his ass and his alone. He shits out arguments and debates as if it's a regulatory function of his body to do so. Just because he's in grad law, doesn't give him a licence to do this---he didn't pay for his way to Richmond University; his parents did.Why I waste my time with these web pages, I don't know. LOL! Oh well...
Ok. Ever read about someone's life through a livejournal/deadjournal? I did. I joined an online goth group called Fairygothmothers, when I was 16 years old(ooh, it was SO long ago! lol) Anyway, the moderator of our group was there for awhile. Then I couldn't get on the computer anymore because my father was reading my emails, so I had to leave the group. I came back 2 years later and alot had changed. First off, the moderator was no longer Lilibat(Victoria Gwaed) but some woman called Mudusa...um, k...
Alot of people that were there before, had either gotten lives and left, or just left altogether. I used to go to Carmen's(her real name) web page alot, for the goth fashion part. Well, then she changed everything around and it just went to shit. I used to read her jounal entries on livejournal....she would cry and sink into nostalgia about a man she used to date for almost 5 years I think it was. I felt sorry for her, considering I knew what it felt to be used(fuck you David!)
I never understood the whole story so I decided to do a background check. I looked through her Calendar and pieced together what had happened; she worked so that he could have the money for college but afterwards he basically said, "I'm done with you. You can leave now." So she was so heartbroken and everything. She even went as far as to move out of state from the guy.
I tried giving her advice, via anonymous(because deadjournal users can't respond to livejournal users without being anonymous) but she seemed to not want it. I got the impression that she liked sulking and having one night stands, et al. Then I tried giving advice one more time and she disabled anonymous users...bitch..
So 2 or 3 months later I still read her entries, but I got tired of reading about "Poor me, my boyfriend of 5 years left me....Poor me, feel sorry for me, I don't want anyone else." Then in my deadjournal....I had written about her..I was like, Cry you stupid goth whore! And commenced to explain my frustrations. I mean, I was only trying to help! Ironically, a few weeks ago I got bored. So I meandered back to her site. Well guess what! She has it on Friends Only, which means none of us freaks from the outside world can see what she writes. I have the link of my dj on my yahoo account. So my group memebers(Fairygothmother and NC Pagan) can read them if they want. My thesis is that there is a Victoria Gwaed sympathizer on my Gothmother group. And I think I know who the snakehead is!!
I like reading people's journals....to see what they see. But this chick...went WAAAY too far! I mean, she's 32 for christ sakes! Get the fuck over it! I had to! She reminds me of every other ignorant female who see a guy and thinks, We're gonna get married. But if it's any consolation---I hope she finds someone who won't do what the other guy did.
Sorry to say, but I'm certain after much thought that if Carmen and I ever crossed roads, we might get along. Since I was a child I've had this disdain for humanity or people as a whole. Never *fully* accepting common ways and/or laws. I'm always in this state of turmoil and loss--always scrying poetry consisting of losing something or malencholy topics. Carmen is smart and intellectually stimulating. David is somewhat...but not *as*.
I have no desire whatsoever to change the world or people. I'm not going to join PETA and scream ANIMAL RIGHTS!! or conserve water or join an Adopt A Highway program. The only reason I'm vegetarian is because I like veggie food. I'm not trying to be the %5 ratio of individuals who try to save the earth by eating plants only, while the rest of the world bitches our nature is to eat meat.
I cannot say my childhood was a happy one. Nor will I claim it was fruitful and educational. Anything I know now I learned from reading books and a college dictionary. When people become famous they thank their parents for their oh-so wonderful inspiration and thank aunts, uncles, grandparents and god. I'm not one of them. But if I won an award for the Most Bitchiest Female Hating Life, I'd thank my parents for their neglect.
I like some kids and then I hate them, and the man you hope to marry doesn't share your fantasy but will indulge in sexual ones. This and more is what I've learned so far. Use and be used. Hate and be hated. Love returned is lust. It sounds negatory and it's really all just relative. I write. That is what I get off on; writing. If someone were to ask me, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" My answer would be to write. Just write.